dear friends,
today is quite a special day. as some of you may not know, i've been taking finals for some few days now, and it has been quite overwhelming! anyhow, this day, i have finished all my finals and i feel free (wheeeeeee!). and this day, i also went shopping with my friend carol. we planned not to spend lost of money, but i could not help myself when i saw these adorable blue booties. well, they are not really booties. they are just boots. however, i may decide to return them once my mom disapproves OR if i find something better OR if i cannot find a job (that day will be so so sad).
so not only is today the day i finished finals and experienced the wonders of newbury street, it is also my best friend AVERY HSIUNG'S 17TH BIRTHDAY. [chorus chimes in: happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to avery, happy birthday to YOU!] yay! i am so happy for her because she is finally growing up. yes, shes no longer a child. well, she will be forever a child at heart. but that is besides the point. okay, new point. i love love avery. she has been a very good friend to me for the past few years that i've gotten to know her. she is one of my closest girl friends and i feel comfortable telling her almost anything. i wish we were not separated by a whole 48 states, but i know that even when we're so far apart, we're really still with each other. she is sweet and funny. and she is beautiful. and one day, i really hope that she comes to school in boston, but if she doesn't, it is alright. i shall forgive her. it is not her fault. it is cheaper to study in the state you live in if you go to a public school.
my writings are over. i'm all finished. the end. sincerely, jess
p.s. dear avery, i miss you dearly and i love you superly much! i hope you have a wonderful holiday season and a wonderful birthday! please visit soon, or i shall come and kidnap you (with permission from your parents, of course!).
Friday, December 18, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
don't hang around - fight another day
this time is passing by so quickly; its already the end of first semester and finals are almost over. it seems quite silly that i don't have anymore classes to go to and i can wake up whenever i want (as long as i make my final).
i was walking and talking with a couple of girlfriends and they brought up just how everything is changing around us but really, many things are the same. the things we can count on are constant. and it makes sense. our Father, He sure is constant. everything we do, we don't realize that we're really not alone, we're not doing it on our own. when we're worried sick about a final, it is quite disappointing and discouraging - even insulting to our Father. why are we doubting His ability - why are we fearing? WHAT IS THERE TO FEAR? He really is there, He's making sure we're where we need to be and He takes care of us. Where has our confidence gone?
i think my actions and my words have made it clear that i am terrified of the dark. but why? it's all those movies and stories about "darkness" and how scary it is. you turn a dark corner and some rapist jumps out - or you go into the bathroom and lock the door, and when you turn around, someone is waiting for you - or you're the target and everyone out there is out there to get YOU. but why? WHY YOU? its really silly, but at the same time, really logical. duh, no college student should be walking alone at midnight in a city. he/she is completely vulnerable and STUPID.
i think i am the smart college student who makes sure she has an escort 24/7 but i am also the stupid Christian who is fearing all the time. even though i hate to admit it sometimes, i think i've lost/losten/loose-en? sight of God. not in everything though. i seem to see Him at church and at fellowship, but if fellowship is bad, then He's not there. if he sermon is boring, He's not there. and even though i try to seek Him out everyday, i fail at it horribly. because maybe deep deep inside of me, i do not care. which is why i fail at acting like i care. OR maybe deep deep inside of me, i really care but i cannot find the care because it is too deep down. can you tell the difference between these two? i cannot. i get really confused. but i know its one or the other. and i think i am hoping it is the second one. that my care for God is so deep down i'm still trying to dig it up and seek Him out. because then in the end, it would be rewarding.
so i cannot remember what i started talking about in this post, but i know i was talking about fear? maybe. so because my care is so deep down, i guess i am fearful on the surface because i haven't reached that point with God yet. i haven't really trusted in Him with all my heart; just part of my heart. so then, lets try to dig deep down and find the treasure! it sounds much easier than it really is. oh well. Christmas is coming up soon. in exactly eight days. and one of my best friends, her birthday is tomorrow. so don't be too surprised to find a post about her tomorrow :)
i was walking and talking with a couple of girlfriends and they brought up just how everything is changing around us but really, many things are the same. the things we can count on are constant. and it makes sense. our Father, He sure is constant. everything we do, we don't realize that we're really not alone, we're not doing it on our own. when we're worried sick about a final, it is quite disappointing and discouraging - even insulting to our Father. why are we doubting His ability - why are we fearing? WHAT IS THERE TO FEAR? He really is there, He's making sure we're where we need to be and He takes care of us. Where has our confidence gone?
i think my actions and my words have made it clear that i am terrified of the dark. but why? it's all those movies and stories about "darkness" and how scary it is. you turn a dark corner and some rapist jumps out - or you go into the bathroom and lock the door, and when you turn around, someone is waiting for you - or you're the target and everyone out there is out there to get YOU. but why? WHY YOU? its really silly, but at the same time, really logical. duh, no college student should be walking alone at midnight in a city. he/she is completely vulnerable and STUPID.
i think i am the smart college student who makes sure she has an escort 24/7 but i am also the stupid Christian who is fearing all the time. even though i hate to admit it sometimes, i think i've lost/losten/loose-en? sight of God. not in everything though. i seem to see Him at church and at fellowship, but if fellowship is bad, then He's not there. if he sermon is boring, He's not there. and even though i try to seek Him out everyday, i fail at it horribly. because maybe deep deep inside of me, i do not care. which is why i fail at acting like i care. OR maybe deep deep inside of me, i really care but i cannot find the care because it is too deep down. can you tell the difference between these two? i cannot. i get really confused. but i know its one or the other. and i think i am hoping it is the second one. that my care for God is so deep down i'm still trying to dig it up and seek Him out. because then in the end, it would be rewarding.
so i cannot remember what i started talking about in this post, but i know i was talking about fear? maybe. so because my care is so deep down, i guess i am fearful on the surface because i haven't reached that point with God yet. i haven't really trusted in Him with all my heart; just part of my heart. so then, lets try to dig deep down and find the treasure! it sounds much easier than it really is. oh well. Christmas is coming up soon. in exactly eight days. and one of my best friends, her birthday is tomorrow. so don't be too surprised to find a post about her tomorrow :)
Monday, December 14, 2009
love love love love
love the Lord your God with all your heart
and all your soul and all your mind
and love all of mankind as you would love yourself
LO-O-O-OVE the Lord your GO-O-O-OD
with all your HEAR-R-R-RT
and all your SOUL
and all your MIND
and love all MANKIND
we've got Christian lives to live
we've got Jesus' love to give
we've got nothing to hide
because in Him we abide LOVE
"thats it." - christine yun
the end.
p.s. this is my favorite song to get stuck in my head.
and all your soul and all your mind
and love all of mankind as you would love yourself
LO-O-O-OVE the Lord your GO-O-O-OD
with all your HEAR-R-R-RT
and all your SOUL
and all your MIND
and love all MANKIND
we've got Christian lives to live
we've got Jesus' love to give
we've got nothing to hide
because in Him we abide LOVE
"thats it." - christine yun
the end.
p.s. this is my favorite song to get stuck in my head.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
spinning out of control
what is going on?! the past week has been CRAZY and this week doesn't look much better. here goes another calendar type schedule things (its just easier to show than tell):
Sunday 6th
10:30 went to highrock in the morning (so far so normal)
1:00 lunch with highrock kids (good)
2:00 - 9:00 studied (unsuccessfully) at friends' apartment
9:00 KRUP info session (this spring break I am thinking of going to New Orleans for Katrina Relief Urban Plunge
10:00 - 1:00 more studying not really)
Monday 7th
i forget exactly what happened this day...but i didn't get much progress with two papers
Tuesday 8th
skipped calc class
meeting with moses
stayed up til 5:40am writing papers
Wednesday 9th
Last AACF Freshman small group - Christmas party
stayed up til 5:00 writing papers
Thursday 10th
skipped calc class
stayed up til 4:50 writing papers
Friday 11th
breakfast w/Jennifer at 8:30am at Bruggers
skipped 2 classes to watch New Moon with Jennifer (got free frozen yogurt)
meeting with will & carol
Mustard Seed concert
Intervarsity Christmas party
stayed up til 4:00 eating ramen with friend (christine yun).
Saturday 12th
woke up at 3:00
went to bed at 4:00 (watching theUGLYtruth with yun)
and today, i was getting ready for church when i locked myself out for 30 minutes. that was just great. when i got spare keys, i only had 10 minutes to get ready. but so far, this day has been good. i had a blackberry-banana-chocolate chip crepe for lunch and a hawaiian pizza! then i watched two more episodes of 24. and i took some notes for finals.
oh yeah..i have finals this week. wednesday, thursday, and friday. wish me luck i guess. for some reason i'm just not worried about them. i suppose i will get worried once i start preparing for finals. but it all just seems too far away. three more days. thats a good enough amount of time.
anywyas, i cannot wait til i go shopping (& Christmas shopping) on friday/saturday/sunday. no worris, everything will turn out alright. (alright - alright - alright - alright - alriiiiiiiiight).
Sunday 6th
10:30 went to highrock in the morning (so far so normal)
1:00 lunch with highrock kids (good)
2:00 - 9:00 studied (unsuccessfully) at friends' apartment
9:00 KRUP info session (this spring break I am thinking of going to New Orleans for Katrina Relief Urban Plunge
10:00 - 1:00 more studying not really)
Monday 7th
i forget exactly what happened this day...but i didn't get much progress with two papers
Tuesday 8th
skipped calc class
meeting with moses
stayed up til 5:40am writing papers
Wednesday 9th
Last AACF Freshman small group - Christmas party
stayed up til 5:00 writing papers
Thursday 10th
skipped calc class
stayed up til 4:50 writing papers
Friday 11th
breakfast w/Jennifer at 8:30am at Bruggers
skipped 2 classes to watch New Moon with Jennifer (got free frozen yogurt)
meeting with will & carol
Mustard Seed concert
Intervarsity Christmas party
stayed up til 4:00 eating ramen with friend (christine yun).
Saturday 12th
woke up at 3:00
went to bed at 4:00 (watching theUGLYtruth with yun)
and today, i was getting ready for church when i locked myself out for 30 minutes. that was just great. when i got spare keys, i only had 10 minutes to get ready. but so far, this day has been good. i had a blackberry-banana-chocolate chip crepe for lunch and a hawaiian pizza! then i watched two more episodes of 24. and i took some notes for finals.
oh yeah..i have finals this week. wednesday, thursday, and friday. wish me luck i guess. for some reason i'm just not worried about them. i suppose i will get worried once i start preparing for finals. but it all just seems too far away. three more days. thats a good enough amount of time.
anywyas, i cannot wait til i go shopping (& Christmas shopping) on friday/saturday/sunday. no worris, everything will turn out alright. (alright - alright - alright - alright - alriiiiiiiiight).
Saturday, December 05, 2009
almost over
this week has really been something. it went by so quickly, but so many things happened! and it was just overall really good :) here's a brief glimpse into my week:
11/29
panick attack because i could hardly breathe, my face was bright red, my fingers were purple
11/30
skipped a class because mom told me to (first time in my life!)
doctors told me i have an allergy - there these things up your nose and in normal/healthy people they are pink, in sick people they are red, in mine, THEY ARE BLUE!
12/1
forgot to wake up and MISSED ANOTHER CLASS!!
12/2
watched rear window by hitchcock - FREAKED ME OUT! its okay, good movie.
stew wednesday = free stew :)
12/3
calc teacher was 30 minutes late for an 8am class, i left after 20 minutes and had to go back.
aacf large group and moses's lesson - he is sooo freaking funny!
12/4
MISSED ANOTHER CLASS - I'M DOOMED!
almost-ice skating with intervarsity and voyage to SUPER 88!
innocent friends arrested for "pooping on basketball court"
watched penelope (so cute)
12/5
treck to and back from coolidge corner in freezing rain
THE END.
p.s. ONE MORE WEEK OF CLASSES!!
11/29
panick attack because i could hardly breathe, my face was bright red, my fingers were purple
11/30
skipped a class because mom told me to (first time in my life!)
doctors told me i have an allergy - there these things up your nose and in normal/healthy people they are pink, in sick people they are red, in mine, THEY ARE BLUE!
12/1
forgot to wake up and MISSED ANOTHER CLASS!!
12/2
watched rear window by hitchcock - FREAKED ME OUT! its okay, good movie.
stew wednesday = free stew :)
12/3
calc teacher was 30 minutes late for an 8am class, i left after 20 minutes and had to go back.
aacf large group and moses's lesson - he is sooo freaking funny!
12/4
MISSED ANOTHER CLASS - I'M DOOMED!
almost-ice skating with intervarsity and voyage to SUPER 88!
innocent friends arrested for "pooping on basketball court"
watched penelope (so cute)
12/5
treck to and back from coolidge corner in freezing rain
THE END.
p.s. ONE MORE WEEK OF CLASSES!!
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