show me the kingdom

Day 35 -

I was confused because according to my counting of days of Lent, Good Friday should be here in about 5 days! But I think I included Sundays into my count. Anyways, we're close to the end!

I'm temped to just say that Lent has been going well and things are good. But I think that has become my default answer for everything. It's easy to say that everything is good and classes are going well because nobody questions you further. If you say that things are not going so well and something is wrong, then you've gotten yourself into a longer conversation and you become vulnerable. What student has time to dig into his or her heart and figure out what is going wrong?

These past weeks have just been busy and filled with work, meetings, class, church, small group, etc. I feel like seldom do I have time to rest. The few days that I can rest, a random group meeting pops up or my list of things to do reminds me that I cannot rest - there are better things I should be doing with my time.

In the midst of things, it's easy to forget about Lent and forget the meaning of Lent. Though I am following my church's daily devotionals, I don't feel any closer to God. Things are not getting any easier. If anything, lack of classes due to Capstone (11 hours less of class per week) has prompted me to become lazy. I don't want to do any work. Some days I'd rather just spend time with my friends from fellowship and church or just listen to Christian music and hide out. I don't want to go out and be challenged to love those who are difficult to love.

I hope the things I am learning through devotions are not just becoming new knowledge to me. Just knowing that Jesus Christ died for my sins is very different from actually living out a purposeful life because Jesus Christ offers me a new life apart from sin and allows me to enter into a relationship with God, who has a plan for me.

Unashamed Love

Day 18 -

You're calling me to lay aside
The worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind
Find a hiding place
Worthy, You are worthy

Open up my heart
And let my spirit worship Yours
I open up my mouth
And let a song of praise come forth
Worthy, You are worthy

CHORUS:
Of a childlike faith
And of my honest praise
Of my unashamed love
Of a holy life
And of my sacrifice
Of my unashamed love

grace

Day - 6

Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

I often forget how much I don't deserve God's grace. This is revealed in the way I treat others, the way I am unloving and unforgiving. How could someone who has wronged me deserve my grace and love? The point is, they don't - but nor do I deserve God's grace and His love. Jesus Christ died for us when we were unrighteous in God's sight. This means that God cared for us even before we were justified through Christ!

boredom

Day 3 -

i've never felt so bored in my whole life. this is probably an exaggeration but i realize that giving up all online entertainment is very unreasonable especially when i have spare time. i already packed up everything i have and i'm just sitting at my desk...trying to find SOMETHING to do, while waiting for my family to come pick me up (for spring break!). i'm so tempted to just open up kadokado or watch glee on hulu - this is seriously torture. maybe i should just turn off my laptop. k, i will. bye

it's you, not us

we often try to do things in order to impress God or receive his approval. i know i try to read my Bible as often as i can, but more than that, i try to read as much as i can in one sitting - thinking that this way i've gotten a whole few days worth of God's word. WRONG. we are not better than others, especially when we see others fail and think "look what they did. i'm not like that". just as human beings, by our nature, we do not deserve God's approval. it is only through his grace and his mercy that we are approved.