hiii :)
[note: if you are in a hurry or expecting an interesting post, then STOP READING NOW]
okay so this past week has been pretty good i guess. i think i'm falling into a .... trap again. not just any trap. but the time-has-stopped trap. the life-goes-on-and-on trap. the routine schedule trap. of course, a routine schedule is NOT a bad thing. it is very beneficial for some people. people who like to be organized, people who have trouble staying organized .... umm ....
so i believe the last time something exciting, filled with emotion, extraordinary happened .... was a little bit ago. i won't say exactly what it was. but i believe the exciting thing started a month or two ago and ended abruptly this past week. suddenly i feel burdened again by sats and tests and projects and grades and school and track and crap. lots and lots of crap. i've been so busy with crap that i totally forgot to watch my FAVORITE tv show this week. i missed wildfire and i didn't even realize it until tuesday night :( its on every monday night at
so i am NOT depressed or anything. i know when i am depressed. i'm simply bored of life. also .... i'm sorta pissed off at some of my school friends. or really, theres just two. and they get on my nerves so much. i try to be .... good, but i can't. for instance, today i was super nice to this individual and then all of a sudden this individual does something soooo silly, so stupid, so random it just makes me mad. and its actually my fault for being mad because shes being totally normal and i'm just really paranoid of everything.
truthfully, i'm sort of a bad friend. [sorry friends]. i realized how self-centered i was/am and that makes me mad because i really hate being self-centered. but i am. and i think its from my dad. [i KNOW its from my dad]
oh yeah so i'm trying to do what pastor mac talked about on sunday. i'm trying to deny myself but i don't know how. basically i see it as me helping to make others happy and putting others first no matter what. but i'm still not quite sure how .... any ideas? ideas would be great. because then i can start denying myself sooner so i can learn to be less self-centered and learn to rely on God more and also have a better and happier life. [remember when pastor mac confirmed with mr. cheung about a better life?]
truth: i'm jealous of non christians who are really nice and have patience for/can tolerate me because i know i don't have patience and i can NOT tolerate people.
truth: i strive to be perfect. and i know i can never be and i will never be. [which is why i cannot tolerate others because no one is perfect]
truth: this is the end of my rantings.
1 comment:
hello! so about wildfire, isn't the series finale coming up? haha i watch abc family at work and wildfire always comes up and i think of you haha. i remember when it first started i watched it at your house. (the same night we watched a walk to remember and went to walgreens together)
anyway, i can definitely relate to how you feel. (but i sure hope that friend isn't me haha. you should probably tell me if you are ever really annoyed with me) but i guess just really pray for patience and remember that God doesn't zap you with patience but he gives you opportunities to be patient and you gotta take those. haha i don't have many suggestions but you could like make a bracelet that takes a lot of time and PATIENCE and you could wear it to remind you to be patient and loving to your friends? or you could just have a bracelet that says patient on it :D (i'd be glad to buy you one!)
but yeah, if you ever need to vent or anything BLAIR'S HERE! see you tomorrowww!
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