so lyf retreat...i'd rather not say too much. however, i do want to say sorry for being so selfish.
this past weekend, i felt empty and lonely. i wanted to reach out and bond with the younger girls but the emotions over took me. i suppose i was afraid that my last year at lyf retreat would be horrible and nothing would happen. so instead of turning to God, i ran away to please my own desires - to MAKE my own lyf retreat experience good. and it actually worked...i was happy for a while. but then i realized that this is not what God wanted me to do. instead of spending time with the younger girls and my accountability group, i spent time with other people doing things we could have done back at home.
sunday night, things seemed to fall apart and it hit me that my accountability group was not close at all! i regret not spending more time with my girls because we really needed to. right now, i just feel crappy about lots of things. but one thing i feel good about is the reflection time. this whole weekend, i had a ton of things bundled up inside myself. and i wanted to let them out. but i couldn't. and you know, i still can't let everything out. mostly because i feel like people won't understand me. anyways, monday morning i tried to get out what i've wanted to get out for a long time. but still, i couldn't find the words...and i'm still trying to find the words and find a way to get out my thoughts.
one thing i learned is that if you bundle up all your feelings and don't let them out, it can take an eternity to get them all out. i feel like even if i have all the time in the world, i will still be unable to let everything out. which is why we need to turn to God. He can take away some of our burdens and He is always there for us.
You make everything good
Everything wonderful
You grace my days
And heaven fills my view
Let's forever sing
You make everything pure
Everything beautiful
You make me see the only
thing that's true
It's you
"You" - Jaci Velasquez
2 comments:
hey jess,
you know i think God did convict you and now wants you to change the things you regret. you are definitely a leader and God is really shaping you :) yeah like you said, never forget that God is like an oasis and that coming to Him, even when its hard, is always refreshing. if you ever need anyone to talk to, i'm here for you. i love you a lot and am praying for you, jessie <3
hi jessica (havnt called u this ever...), your experiences this past weekend were all planned by god as he wants to show you many things. as u said ur still searching for the right words, and thats sign that God is still working in you! i'll pray for u in that u'll find clarity and direction. also definitely feel free to talk to me about anything. altho we havnt ever talked about things that were completely serious. cuz u've always been the sparkler in my circle of friends. ur always smiling, laughing away, and having fun. ur energy and alacrity have had such a positive influence on me :) thanx and realize that sushi ur bro is always here for u whenever wherever :)
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