you are our king

This past semester at BU, I had been really confused about which fellowship to attend and where I could fit in. It's not that I felt lonely and I wanted to fit in. Rather, I felt like I had something to offer but I did not know how God wanted me to use it, and where He wanted me to use it. I stopped going to AACF (Asian American Christian Fellowship) because I was frustrated with the lack of commitment I saw and the disunity that was separating everyone.

First semester I had gone to every core meeting and every large group meeting and every freshmen small group meeting. But slowly I did not see spiritual growth around me and I became discouraged. I felt the missional core meetings were a waste of time and small group was just a place to socialize. We only looked at the scripture once and we probably had 10+ meetings. Instead of helping me grow spiritually, I felt AACF was slowly sucking the energy out of me.

After I lost interest in AACF, I started attending InterVarsity Multi-Ethnic Fellowship. I fell in love immediately because of the unity and the structure that was missing in AACF. I felt loved and part of the family. Every was so dedicated and devoted to the large groups and the small groups. Missional Core was a place where all the different groups gathered, talked, and encouraged. Our leader would ask us challenging questions which caused us to think about our faith. I decided to fill out the leader survey to join next semester.

Though I felt comfortable where I was, I kept feeling doubts and guilt for leaving AACF. I felt like I had just given up and taken the easier way out. I knew there was need at AACF but I didn't want to return.

Last weekend, I went to a lock-in with AACF. I really only wanted to go because I missed having lock-ins and I wanted to get away from studying and school and stress. I don't know when or how I realized this...well I didn't. God told me, some time that weekend, where I could use my gifts. He showed me that AACF was not hopeless, as I was beginning to think. I realized that I did run away when things got rough and it was stupid of me to do that. I was angry and frustrated with those who did not commit to the fellowship and yet, I was one of those people. When large group got boring and missional core was unfruitful (in my eyes), I abandoned everything.

Though I'm still not 100% sure, I am strongly considering returning to AACF because I know there is more need there and I know exactly how I can help out. I still have doubts and fears about returning, but I want to make a commitment and help others make one to. I think this is where God wants me to be. And I will do whatever to serve Him.

"Let now our hearts burn with a flame
A fire consuming all for your Son's holy name
And with the heavens we declare
You are our king"