wish list

all i want for christmas, is youuu

just kidding!!! okay this is my random wish list of movies. if any of you feel compelled at any given time to to do something nice for someone, you can check out my wishlist of movies and buy me one of them!! but no, you don't have to. i'll just look at my wishlist every once in a while and WISH that i had some of these good movies:

the kite runner
fools gold
the wedding planner
the sisterhood of the traveling pants
maid in manhatten

summer schedule

sooooo, my summer has been JUST great. really. NOT. basically, i've been home all the time, everyday and it may seem like i have no life (i'm sorta convinced of that as of now) but my summer will be getting a lot better soon. for now, i just wake up, eat rice crispies, watch tv, read a few pages in my summer book, watch tv, go online until my computer dies, eat, eat, eat, watch tv, read a few pages, look at my sat book, and nothing else!

so i'm going to create a summer calender/schedule (hence my title) to meak myself feel better and prove to myself that i do, infact, have a life...in the summer time. (oh and btw, you know that song summer time by the new boys on the block? well at first i hated their song, but then cpan told me she loved it and then i heard it like everyday for one week and then i started liking it. its very very catchy. so if you're bored and you'd like to get a song stuck in your head, then go listen to it!!)


July
10 - josh turns 22
11 - games for lyf, perhaps becca will visit
12 - gordon for costa rica team building
16 - Hancock
18 - games for lyf
19 - lyf beach trip
22 - last costa rica meeting, hair cut...?
26 - hello costa rica :)
August
4 - back to boston
6 - road lesson
11 - VBS
15 - end of VBS
20 - new york city

thats it for now.

lOve

i wonder why
i can love some people who i know have done horrible things,
but i just cannot love those who are good and have done nothing wrong

badaboom!

hiii :)

[note: if you are in a hurry or expecting an interesting post, then STOP READING NOW]

okay so this past week has been pretty good i guess. i think i'm falling into a .... trap again. not just any trap. but the time-has-stopped trap. the life-goes-on-and-on trap. the routine schedule trap. of course, a routine schedule is NOT a bad thing. it is very beneficial for some people. people who like to be organized, people who have trouble staying organized .... umm ....

so i believe the last time something exciting, filled with emotion, extraordinary happened .... was a little bit ago. i won't say exactly what it was. but i believe the exciting thing started a month or two ago and ended abruptly this past week. suddenly i feel burdened again by sats and tests and projects and grades and school and track and crap. lots and lots of crap. i've been so busy with crap that i totally forgot to watch my FAVORITE tv show this week. i missed wildfire and i didn't even realize it until tuesday night :( its on every monday night at 9pm - if you'd like to see it.

so i am NOT depressed or anything. i know when i am depressed. i'm simply bored of life. also .... i'm sorta pissed off at some of my school friends. or really, theres just two. and they get on my nerves so much. i try to be .... good, but i can't. for instance, today i was super nice to this individual and then all of a sudden this individual does something soooo silly, so stupid, so random it just makes me mad. and its actually my fault for being mad because shes being totally normal and i'm just really paranoid of everything.

truthfully, i'm sort of a bad friend. [sorry friends]. i realized how self-centered i was/am and that makes me mad because i really hate being self-centered. but i am. and i think its from my dad. [i KNOW its from my dad]

oh yeah so i'm trying to do what pastor mac talked about on sunday. i'm trying to deny myself but i don't know how. basically i see it as me helping to make others happy and putting others first no matter what. but i'm still not quite sure how .... any ideas? ideas would be great. because then i can start denying myself sooner so i can learn to be less self-centered and learn to rely on God more and also have a better and happier life. [remember when pastor mac confirmed with mr. cheung about a better life?]

truth: i'm jealous of non christians who are really nice and have patience for/can tolerate me because i know i don't have patience and i can NOT tolerate people.
truth: i strive to be perfect. and i know i can never be and i will never be. [which is why i cannot tolerate others because no one is perfect]
truth: this is the end of my rantings.

come close, listen to a story

i'm going to devote this post to praising my brother and my sister. i'm not sure if i want them to see this or not. but i guess it doesn't matter. if they do, i hope they feel good.

my big brother and sister are really important to me. they have influenced my life so much. since i'm the youngest, everything i do is a mimic of what they used to do. i look up to them so much but i don't think they really know. (and if they read this, then they'll know but i doubt they will read this).

to tell you the truth, i looked up to my big brother more than i did my sister because he was bigger. and he was a boy. i like boys. for real i do. i think they are really cool. that is why i tried to be like a tom boy when i was little. one time josh bought a pair of really cool sneakers that had this jell-like stuff on it and there were really bright colors on it. anyways, my mom didn't really like them because there were so many colors and they just stood out so much. i wanted to be just like josh! so the next time i went to buy shoes, i got these blue sneakers that had lime green on them and there was that same jell-like stuff. i was so happy with my choice. because my mom didn't really like them either. i was just like josh :)

also, josh taught me how to punch someone the right way. you really have to dig those knuckles into their arm. i felt so strong and boyish because josh could punch me really hard and i wouldn't cry. i'd just laugh weakly with teary eyes. and then i would punch him back. he taught me how to play basketball. he also showed me wrestling moves - he practiced on me...but i was happy. because i was like a boy. and i was strong. and cool.

oh yeah i also take fashion tips from my brother. i thought he was so cool when he shopped at abercrombie and fitch. i was so proud of him for being a cool kid. one year, he popped his collar and i was like..wow! so i went and bought a polo shirt and popped mine. the next thing i know, all the preps at school started popping their collars. i was laughing at them because josh knew to do it before them. another thing..my mom takes on after josh as well. she loves being preppy. i think i like that sometimes. but i don't purposely try to be preppy. when i am..well...good for me.

when other boys started putting gel in their hair, i was angry because they were stealing the idea from josh. hmm..maybe not the whole gel idea. but one year, josh realized that he could make the front of his hair stand up without gel. this great idea was called a baseball cap. he just pushed his hair back and slipped on the cap. after an hour or so, his hair stood up naturally. now when this one boy started doing the same thing, i was angry and i secretly called him a josh wannabe.

alright so my sister, i love her and i look up to her. but i think i only started looking up to her and really appreciating her recently..maybe like in the past couple of years. i realized how cool she was. she never gave into peer pressure in high school. she definitely matured much quicker than me or my brother. maybe thats why i didn't really look up to her when i was young. she wasn't as much fun to hang around. i remember ganging up on her with josh. it was so fun to be josh's little sidekick.

my sisters fashion sense was so different from josh's and mine. i guess it still is a little. she always shopped at GAP. she loves that store. her clothing was really really different. it was more sophisticated. and she was also more traditional and conservative i guess. she just sort of skipped over that immature teenager stage. she was never a little girly girl. (i got stuck in that stage with my obsession over the color pink). Christina never went out to buy a two piece bathing suit. she never wore low shirts and never wore short shorts.

The thing that really amazed me about my siblings was how intelligent they were. and how persistent they were. i could never play piano for more than 30 minutes and they would sit on that bench for an hour or two. they were much more skilled than i was. Christina could improvise perfectly in 8th grade..maybe into 9th grade. josh could improvise as well. as for me..i was still horrible at reading music. Christina could pick up a song by ear. thats how she played all her songs. josh was just really good at inventing music and making it sound like a real song. i remember people used to ask him what songs he was playing. well..he wasn't. he was just playing the piano.

my sister loved piano way more than me or my brother. but i loved it least. i was frustrated when my songs came out sounding like crap. Christina played everything she heard. songs from tv shows, movies, church, cds, everything. she introduced so many new songs to me. now this is how my whole post relates to the title. whenever i hear a song..well its good. but i don't love them all. Christina goes home and plays the song over and over again and then i fall in love with it. the song True Love by Phil Wickham is amazing. i really love it. when i first heard it at a concert, i didn't love it so much. in fact, i was annoyed that other artists were playing their music when it was really supposed to be a david crowder concert. i could not wait for phil to stop playing. but i went home and Christina played it over and over and i fell in love with the song. thats how it is with all the songs she plays. i just fall in love with them because by playing it over and over, she stresses them and then i listen to the words and realize how good they are.

Come close listen to the story
about a love more faithful than the morning
The Father gave his only Son just to save us

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Fathers broken heart
tears were filling heaven's eyes
The day that true love died, the day that true love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn’t move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, The day that true love died

Search your heart you know you can’t deny it
Come on, lose your life just so you can find it
The Father gave his only son just to save us

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Fathers broken heart
tears were filling heaven's eyes
The day that true love died, the day that true love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn’t move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, The day that true love died

Now, Jesus is alive

Jesus is alive X4
Oh, He is alive
He rose again

When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn’t move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, The day that true love died

Come close listen to the story