where has the time gone? summer has flown by and what did i do in these past three and a half months?
by the end of this week, i'll be all packed and ready to head off to New Hampshire for Summit - InterVarsity's retreat. i hate the idea that i'm going straight from the retreat to boston, and moving back on campus. it scares me to death because there is all this uncertainty. in a way, i feel like a baby because i don't want to leave my family and my home, where i feel secure. but staying at home, i can't do much - i don't do much.
i suppose the one thing i regret this summer is not going out into the community and spreading God's love. though i didn't get a job, i could have found an organization to volunteer with. i could have hung out with my non-Christian friends more and introduced them to the Lord. i could have helped keep my brothers and sisters accountable. but i can't let these things hold me back. if anything, i've learned that i have to take every opportunity and chance i get to witness to others and be an example for them, just as Christ is an example for me, for us.
anyways, i'd just like to share this song. i think it is really powerful. i first heard it this past year either at church or at fellowship. hope you enjoy it!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Monday, August 02, 2010
there is more
growing up as a christian i've always known that yes, Jesus loves me, and he is God in human form, who came to die for me and wash away my sins. i am renewed and i am reborn. but maybe that was it.
i remember going on retreats with my youth group and feeling a spiritual high after a great weekend. or feeling so new and alive in Christ after being baptized. i remember feeling in the "right" place with God and feeling spiritual growth - especially during mission trips. it was as if nothing else mattered.
however, this good feeling has been missing for a long time. i can't remember the last time someone asked me, "how is your walk with God?" and i answered them, "it's great! He has revealed so many good things to me." what i can remember is telling everyone that i am not growing or falling away from God. if my spiritual growth was drawn out on a chart or graph, there would be this horizontal line going on forever.
at my home church, we have this college fellowship called empower. in the past few weeks, we've been reading and discussing Win Christ, a book written by Rick S. Bell. i love his book because it is easy to understand and the pages are filled with ways to grow spiritually.
we have also listened to a few sermons by Francis Chan, a pastor at cornerstone church in California. i knew about Francis Chan and i visited his church a few years ago with my family. however, i never realized how great a speaker he is. his sermons are so crazy good - i feel like i learn a thousand things in just one sermon. i am constantly gaining new knowledge about God. if i had a notebook with me, i'd be scribbling frantically. his words are so true and so real. i do not know how else to describe it - you should go listen for yourself. i'm inspired.
i always thought that i knew who God is and i can picture who he is. the fact is, i will never understand him completely and i will never be able to grasp just how great he is. nobody can. he is set apart from us.
He is definitely revealing new things to me now and i am now more open to receive him and trust the holy spirit working in me.
i remember going on retreats with my youth group and feeling a spiritual high after a great weekend. or feeling so new and alive in Christ after being baptized. i remember feeling in the "right" place with God and feeling spiritual growth - especially during mission trips. it was as if nothing else mattered.
however, this good feeling has been missing for a long time. i can't remember the last time someone asked me, "how is your walk with God?" and i answered them, "it's great! He has revealed so many good things to me." what i can remember is telling everyone that i am not growing or falling away from God. if my spiritual growth was drawn out on a chart or graph, there would be this horizontal line going on forever.
at my home church, we have this college fellowship called empower. in the past few weeks, we've been reading and discussing Win Christ, a book written by Rick S. Bell. i love his book because it is easy to understand and the pages are filled with ways to grow spiritually.
we have also listened to a few sermons by Francis Chan, a pastor at cornerstone church in California. i knew about Francis Chan and i visited his church a few years ago with my family. however, i never realized how great a speaker he is. his sermons are so crazy good - i feel like i learn a thousand things in just one sermon. i am constantly gaining new knowledge about God. if i had a notebook with me, i'd be scribbling frantically. his words are so true and so real. i do not know how else to describe it - you should go listen for yourself. i'm inspired.
i always thought that i knew who God is and i can picture who he is. the fact is, i will never understand him completely and i will never be able to grasp just how great he is. nobody can. he is set apart from us.
He is definitely revealing new things to me now and i am now more open to receive him and trust the holy spirit working in me.
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
forever
i've been at home for a good few weeks now - though it feels like forever. it has been just about a month since finals ended, can you believe that?! freshmen year definitely flew by quickly. i don't know how i feel about it all. i can still remember a few nights where i decided to pull an all-nighter...but i couldn't. and i still have yet to pull one. maybe even just for fun. i remember all the random sleepovers and midnight snacks. i remember being scared of the dark - especially walking home from stuvi after 11pm by myself. i remember playing bang, mafia, settlers, one frog, and many other fun games. i remember spending way too much money on eating out - and i still ran out of meals at the end of the year. i remember shopping trips, trips to the museum, and trips to see famous groups.
it was all a lot of fun and excitement. but now that i'm at home, i am bored out of my mind. all i want to do is find work. i guess being back home has been kind of dull. so many of my friends are traveling and others live in different states. i don't really want to go out and spend money because i have no money to spend. and the truth is, i don't want to grow up. once you grow up, you will be working all the time and you won't have time to spend with your friends. but i suppose you do have weekends. the grown up life seems so boring. i want to be forever young. how fun would that be? and i want a dog.
it was all a lot of fun and excitement. but now that i'm at home, i am bored out of my mind. all i want to do is find work. i guess being back home has been kind of dull. so many of my friends are traveling and others live in different states. i don't really want to go out and spend money because i have no money to spend. and the truth is, i don't want to grow up. once you grow up, you will be working all the time and you won't have time to spend with your friends. but i suppose you do have weekends. the grown up life seems so boring. i want to be forever young. how fun would that be? and i want a dog.
Monday, April 19, 2010
bye bye bye
this post i would like to dedicate to some of my favorite seniors in the whole world. i'm not going to mention any names, but you know who you are.
last night was the AACF Senior Appreciation Night. it was really exciting in helping out and preparing for this event. each grade was to prepare a presentation for the seniors. my freshmen class decided to sing The Prayer by Josh Groban/Celine Dion, dance to 'Nsync's 'Bye Bye Bye', and make a short video message. the sophomores were amazing. they had this whole theme of awards night, and they create about 6+ short films/videos which were edited by COMM students. so it was really good. i think the juniors made a video for the seniors of people saying first impressions or one word descriptions of the seniors. all in all, the night was a success and it was really moving to hear how the senior class has really affected us all and how AACF has impacted so many of the seniors' lives.
i think i want to say a few things i couldn't say in my message. but where to begin...
you guys have been really great and really good to us (everyone in AACF). you have all helped make a smooth transition for me into college. my sister was not the only one who took care of me and watched out for me. you guys just took us in and loved us - pretty much to the fullest. you encouraged us and helped our spiritual growth. i'm inspired by all of you - by your dedication to the fellowship and by your hard work. i know that college is really busy, but you all took a large chunk out of your time to get to know us and mentor us. i look up to you guys and i hope that i can learn to treat people like how you guys treated us freshmen. i know sometimes we can be annoying and really needy, but you guys have always been there for us. you open up your homes to us and you feed us and you love us. i don't think i've never actually shown you or told you how much i appreciate what you've done. thank you so much for everything you've given to us and everything you've sacrificed for us. thank you for being patient with us, for being persistent in reaching out to us, and for being our role models. i know that i will miss you guys so much when you're gone. but i know that God has a master plan for all of your and He will use you all to further His kingdom. i know that God can count on all of you because of the things you have done here at BU. though i've only known you guys for one year, i feel like i've known you all for a lifetime. freshmen year would not have been the same without you. you guys are a model for how God's children should be. i know that not everyone is perfect, and you guys are not perfect either. but you guys strive to be Christ-like and that is what's important.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
when i replace the word Love with your names, i am astonished by how many qualities of love you guys possess. i see how you are patient and kind. i see how you are not envious and you do not boast. you are not rude, you are not self-seeking, you are not easily angered. you keep not records of wrongs. you rejoice in the truth. you always protect, always trust, always hope, and always persevere.
i guess it hasn't hit me yet, that you guys are really leaving. when it does hit me, i think i will cry forever. i don't want to say goodbye. but at the same time, i know that it is not goodbye forever. i will pray for all of you - for your futures in serving God. i know wherever you all go, many hearts will be touched and many people will be moved. thanks again.
last night was the AACF Senior Appreciation Night. it was really exciting in helping out and preparing for this event. each grade was to prepare a presentation for the seniors. my freshmen class decided to sing The Prayer by Josh Groban/Celine Dion, dance to 'Nsync's 'Bye Bye Bye', and make a short video message. the sophomores were amazing. they had this whole theme of awards night, and they create about 6+ short films/videos which were edited by COMM students. so it was really good. i think the juniors made a video for the seniors of people saying first impressions or one word descriptions of the seniors. all in all, the night was a success and it was really moving to hear how the senior class has really affected us all and how AACF has impacted so many of the seniors' lives.
i think i want to say a few things i couldn't say in my message. but where to begin...
you guys have been really great and really good to us (everyone in AACF). you have all helped make a smooth transition for me into college. my sister was not the only one who took care of me and watched out for me. you guys just took us in and loved us - pretty much to the fullest. you encouraged us and helped our spiritual growth. i'm inspired by all of you - by your dedication to the fellowship and by your hard work. i know that college is really busy, but you all took a large chunk out of your time to get to know us and mentor us. i look up to you guys and i hope that i can learn to treat people like how you guys treated us freshmen. i know sometimes we can be annoying and really needy, but you guys have always been there for us. you open up your homes to us and you feed us and you love us. i don't think i've never actually shown you or told you how much i appreciate what you've done. thank you so much for everything you've given to us and everything you've sacrificed for us. thank you for being patient with us, for being persistent in reaching out to us, and for being our role models. i know that i will miss you guys so much when you're gone. but i know that God has a master plan for all of your and He will use you all to further His kingdom. i know that God can count on all of you because of the things you have done here at BU. though i've only known you guys for one year, i feel like i've known you all for a lifetime. freshmen year would not have been the same without you. you guys are a model for how God's children should be. i know that not everyone is perfect, and you guys are not perfect either. but you guys strive to be Christ-like and that is what's important.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
when i replace the word Love with your names, i am astonished by how many qualities of love you guys possess. i see how you are patient and kind. i see how you are not envious and you do not boast. you are not rude, you are not self-seeking, you are not easily angered. you keep not records of wrongs. you rejoice in the truth. you always protect, always trust, always hope, and always persevere.
i guess it hasn't hit me yet, that you guys are really leaving. when it does hit me, i think i will cry forever. i don't want to say goodbye. but at the same time, i know that it is not goodbye forever. i will pray for all of you - for your futures in serving God. i know wherever you all go, many hearts will be touched and many people will be moved. thanks again.
Friday, April 16, 2010
you are our king
This past semester at BU, I had been really confused about which fellowship to attend and where I could fit in. It's not that I felt lonely and I wanted to fit in. Rather, I felt like I had something to offer but I did not know how God wanted me to use it, and where He wanted me to use it. I stopped going to AACF (Asian American Christian Fellowship) because I was frustrated with the lack of commitment I saw and the disunity that was separating everyone.
First semester I had gone to every core meeting and every large group meeting and every freshmen small group meeting. But slowly I did not see spiritual growth around me and I became discouraged. I felt the missional core meetings were a waste of time and small group was just a place to socialize. We only looked at the scripture once and we probably had 10+ meetings. Instead of helping me grow spiritually, I felt AACF was slowly sucking the energy out of me.
After I lost interest in AACF, I started attending InterVarsity Multi-Ethnic Fellowship. I fell in love immediately because of the unity and the structure that was missing in AACF. I felt loved and part of the family. Every was so dedicated and devoted to the large groups and the small groups. Missional Core was a place where all the different groups gathered, talked, and encouraged. Our leader would ask us challenging questions which caused us to think about our faith. I decided to fill out the leader survey to join next semester.
Though I felt comfortable where I was, I kept feeling doubts and guilt for leaving AACF. I felt like I had just given up and taken the easier way out. I knew there was need at AACF but I didn't want to return.
Last weekend, I went to a lock-in with AACF. I really only wanted to go because I missed having lock-ins and I wanted to get away from studying and school and stress. I don't know when or how I realized this...well I didn't. God told me, some time that weekend, where I could use my gifts. He showed me that AACF was not hopeless, as I was beginning to think. I realized that I did run away when things got rough and it was stupid of me to do that. I was angry and frustrated with those who did not commit to the fellowship and yet, I was one of those people. When large group got boring and missional core was unfruitful (in my eyes), I abandoned everything.
Though I'm still not 100% sure, I am strongly considering returning to AACF because I know there is more need there and I know exactly how I can help out. I still have doubts and fears about returning, but I want to make a commitment and help others make one to. I think this is where God wants me to be. And I will do whatever to serve Him.
"Let now our hearts burn with a flame
A fire consuming all for your Son's holy name
And with the heavens we declare
You are our king"
First semester I had gone to every core meeting and every large group meeting and every freshmen small group meeting. But slowly I did not see spiritual growth around me and I became discouraged. I felt the missional core meetings were a waste of time and small group was just a place to socialize. We only looked at the scripture once and we probably had 10+ meetings. Instead of helping me grow spiritually, I felt AACF was slowly sucking the energy out of me.
After I lost interest in AACF, I started attending InterVarsity Multi-Ethnic Fellowship. I fell in love immediately because of the unity and the structure that was missing in AACF. I felt loved and part of the family. Every was so dedicated and devoted to the large groups and the small groups. Missional Core was a place where all the different groups gathered, talked, and encouraged. Our leader would ask us challenging questions which caused us to think about our faith. I decided to fill out the leader survey to join next semester.
Though I felt comfortable where I was, I kept feeling doubts and guilt for leaving AACF. I felt like I had just given up and taken the easier way out. I knew there was need at AACF but I didn't want to return.
Last weekend, I went to a lock-in with AACF. I really only wanted to go because I missed having lock-ins and I wanted to get away from studying and school and stress. I don't know when or how I realized this...well I didn't. God told me, some time that weekend, where I could use my gifts. He showed me that AACF was not hopeless, as I was beginning to think. I realized that I did run away when things got rough and it was stupid of me to do that. I was angry and frustrated with those who did not commit to the fellowship and yet, I was one of those people. When large group got boring and missional core was unfruitful (in my eyes), I abandoned everything.
Though I'm still not 100% sure, I am strongly considering returning to AACF because I know there is more need there and I know exactly how I can help out. I still have doubts and fears about returning, but I want to make a commitment and help others make one to. I think this is where God wants me to be. And I will do whatever to serve Him.
"Let now our hearts burn with a flame
A fire consuming all for your Son's holy name
And with the heavens we declare
You are our king"
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