I am horrible with blogs - sometimes I forget I have one and other times I'm just not in the mood! Well, for a while I forgot I have a blog because I never wrote an update about Cincinnati! Well guess what? Too late! If you are really dying to hear about it, let me know and I'd be more than willing to share.

So what's new? Well, core just started this past week and I have to deal with 8 people this semester. I shouldn't complain. Actually, I really thank God for answering my prayers and relieving some of my fears because a friend from church is in my core group - which is extremely rare. Usually you're not allowed to work with anyone you know!

Highlights of the week:
1. Family group with wings :)
2. Made cornbread today - delish!
3. Ate Salty Spicy Squid
4. Bought ice cream sandwiches
5. Seeing people back from winter break (this actually really lifted my spirits)

I know this was a pretty lame post, but I'm trying to get back into the swing of things! Next post will be better, promise!

be still my soul

I just realized that I never updated after returning from Cincinnati. That I shall do soon! Perhaps before the end of this week. But for now, listen to this song! Page CXVI recreates old hymns and they are beautiful.

In My Life Your Will Be Done

if my heart has grown cold,
there Your love will unfold,
as You open my eyes to the work of Your hands

These lines are so encouraging. I think many times I lost sight of what is really important in my life. Our world is so fast paced and there are so many things going on at once. It's really difficult to remove all distractions and focus on building my relationship with God. However, He does not give up on us when we seem to fail Him time and time again. We just need to open our eyes to see His wonders and the things He is doing in our lives.

Tomorrow morning I will be leaving for Cincinnati, Ohio. I'm really excited but at the same time, I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach. What I am looking forward to is something called School of Evangelism. There will be about 70 short-term missionaries (all ages, mostly college probably) and a number of missionary families who live in the area and who will teach us about evangelism. After this four day retreat/conference, we will practice what we've learned in Over the Rhine, an inner-city neighborhood. May God just watch over all of us and provide for all our needs. I cannot wait to see the way He will challenge us and the way the Holy Spirit will be working in all of us.

Here are some prayer requests:

1. Unity among all the short-term missionaries. From my church, it is only me and another girl. We will be meeting another team/group in Philadelphia to drive with to Ohio. (Yes, I know. Long ride.)
2. Servant's attitude. Pray that we will serve with humility and serve with all our hearts. Though the missionaries there are providing a lot for us, we are not just going to support them. We are also going to serve them in any way we can.
3. Great expectations. Many times we feel that if we are expecting a lot from God, we will be so disappointed if the reality does not meet our expectations. But at the same time, God is able to fill our expectations to the brim, even to overflow. If we do not go with expectations, then we are not really trusting in what God can do.

When I return in two weeks, I will be sure to share my experiences! God Bless.

stumbled upon

Hi,

I randomly stumbled upon this blog again. I've been quite busy and haven't had much time to update.

Here's what's going on:

1. Currently taking class in Boston and living in a beautiful apartment with a friend. I'm also working at the Metropolitan College. Final exam is next week, eeek!

2. Leaving for Pennsylvania tomorrow morning at 7am for AMI Revolution: United. This is a conference for college students. I am going with my church Symphony. AMI stands for Acts Ministry International, the denomination and organization my church is part of. I am really excited, but at the same time, I cannot believe I will be there tomorrow with hundreds (maybe thousands) of other people!

3. I'm preparing and training to go on missions in the middle of July. I will be going to Cincinnati, Ohio to an area called Over the Rhine. There are many broken souls here and we are going to reach out to the lost with the love of Christ!

Those are the most important highlights I think. Summer feels like it is half-way over, but really, it has only begun! I think the official first day of summer was 1:45pm yesterday?? Okay, happy summer everyone! We'll chat again soon.

show me the kingdom

Day 35 -

I was confused because according to my counting of days of Lent, Good Friday should be here in about 5 days! But I think I included Sundays into my count. Anyways, we're close to the end!

I'm temped to just say that Lent has been going well and things are good. But I think that has become my default answer for everything. It's easy to say that everything is good and classes are going well because nobody questions you further. If you say that things are not going so well and something is wrong, then you've gotten yourself into a longer conversation and you become vulnerable. What student has time to dig into his or her heart and figure out what is going wrong?

These past weeks have just been busy and filled with work, meetings, class, church, small group, etc. I feel like seldom do I have time to rest. The few days that I can rest, a random group meeting pops up or my list of things to do reminds me that I cannot rest - there are better things I should be doing with my time.

In the midst of things, it's easy to forget about Lent and forget the meaning of Lent. Though I am following my church's daily devotionals, I don't feel any closer to God. Things are not getting any easier. If anything, lack of classes due to Capstone (11 hours less of class per week) has prompted me to become lazy. I don't want to do any work. Some days I'd rather just spend time with my friends from fellowship and church or just listen to Christian music and hide out. I don't want to go out and be challenged to love those who are difficult to love.

I hope the things I am learning through devotions are not just becoming new knowledge to me. Just knowing that Jesus Christ died for my sins is very different from actually living out a purposeful life because Jesus Christ offers me a new life apart from sin and allows me to enter into a relationship with God, who has a plan for me.

Unashamed Love

Day 18 -

You're calling me to lay aside
The worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind
Find a hiding place
Worthy, You are worthy

Open up my heart
And let my spirit worship Yours
I open up my mouth
And let a song of praise come forth
Worthy, You are worthy

CHORUS:
Of a childlike faith
And of my honest praise
Of my unashamed love
Of a holy life
And of my sacrifice
Of my unashamed love

grace

Day - 6

Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

I often forget how much I don't deserve God's grace. This is revealed in the way I treat others, the way I am unloving and unforgiving. How could someone who has wronged me deserve my grace and love? The point is, they don't - but nor do I deserve God's grace and His love. Jesus Christ died for us when we were unrighteous in God's sight. This means that God cared for us even before we were justified through Christ!

boredom

Day 3 -

i've never felt so bored in my whole life. this is probably an exaggeration but i realize that giving up all online entertainment is very unreasonable especially when i have spare time. i already packed up everything i have and i'm just sitting at my desk...trying to find SOMETHING to do, while waiting for my family to come pick me up (for spring break!). i'm so tempted to just open up kadokado or watch glee on hulu - this is seriously torture. maybe i should just turn off my laptop. k, i will. bye

it's you, not us

we often try to do things in order to impress God or receive his approval. i know i try to read my Bible as often as i can, but more than that, i try to read as much as i can in one sitting - thinking that this way i've gotten a whole few days worth of God's word. WRONG. we are not better than others, especially when we see others fail and think "look what they did. i'm not like that". just as human beings, by our nature, we do not deserve God's approval. it is only through his grace and his mercy that we are approved.

let now our hearts burn with a flame

Day 2 -

today was a tough day. for some reason, something wasn't right. something felt like it was missing. the weather forecast said it would rain all day long though in the end, there was no rain. i had a stuffy nose (which has been bothering me since a week ago) and i felt throbbing in my right temple throughout the day - especially when i moved too quickly. also, tonight at fellowship, i didn't feel so engaged. the more time i spent there, the more distant i felt. i had a quick temper and i'm sure i was not an encouragement to anyone around me.

there are so many questions going through my head and lists and lists of things i need to do before spring break begins. i live my life in a hurry. a hurry to get from one place to another. a hurry to do as many things as i can with the time i have. a hurry to do my devotionals with God so i can get to bed sooner. a hurry to fill my life with as many commitments as possible.

through all of this, God is good. he has always been there for us and he is always by our side. in Romans 1, Paul has such enthusiasm for the gospel, the good news. he is unashamed and he is empowered and dedicated to his mission. this is the passion we lack - going out and proclaiming the Word of God. sharing his love and loving those around us.

the beginning

today is the first day of the Lent season, praise the Lord! may this period be spent as a time in preparation for Easter - that we can practice the following: reflection, repentance, readiness, resolution, and renewal.

this year i am fasting from ALL FORMS OF INTERNET ENTERTAINMENT and i am taking up praying with a purpose for a specific person and memorizing scripture. i will use this website to blog about each day or each few days - how i am doing and how the Lord is working in my life. i have no crazy expectations but i have an open mind and an open heart.

today i thank God for the people he has placed in my life and for the spiritual friendships i have formed with friends. i praise God for helping to plant Symphony Church on the BU campus and for rising up students to get involved.

he's got the whole world in his hands

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Let's just trust in God and have faith in his amazing plan. We fear nothing. Whatever plan we have for our own lives cannot compare with his plans for us - our plans are much too small and insignificant.

your spirit is water to my soul

Praise God!

I had no one to share this with, but I figure this is not a moment I want to forget and let slip away.

As I was listening to Pandora, the song "better is one day" started playing. In my mind, I was thinking, "oh, I haven't heard this song in a while. It's a nice song." I also happened to be reading Psalm 83. I was already at the end of the chapter so I moved onto Psalm 84 which began with:

"How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and flesh cry out for the living God."

God is truly wonderful and amazing. Many times I feel spiritually dry and distant from him but he always finds a way to pull me back. The little things he does in my life mean more to me than anything else. They are proof that he is here with me. I am not alone, and I am blessed by the Living God. Better is one day in God's courts than a thousand days anywhere else.

your name is a shelter like no other

why is it so easy for us to forget about God in the midst of chaos, when in those times we actually need Him most? we are so foolish. what he can offers us is greater than anything in this world - it is greater than anything we have ever experienced, and it is free! all we need to do is accept it. we can step out of darkness and into the light, we can live freely and joyfully instead of with burden, in fear, shame, and guilt. His gift is everlasting and eternal and it will bring us true satisfaction! here is a song i absolutely love:

He is good

our patience and love are so limited. but the Father's love endures forever and His patience extends to the ends of the earth. He gives us comfort and He offers us a life of joy and peace.

just a simple thank you

tonight at aacf, we did so many "random acts of appreciation". at first i was kind of thinking this was a good idea but a silly thing to do. i really doubted that the people we handed things out to would be that appreciative. however, by the end of the night, i was proven wrong and it was actually really fun to do. i want to do it more often because some people just never hear the words thank you near enough.

so this is basically what everyone did:
1. handed out candy to random people passing by
2. handed out candy with sticky notes
3. posted sticky notes with nice messages all around the library
4. walked around with a poster that says FAMILY and people write what they think
5. hand made 'thank you' cards for security guards at all the dorms

so walking back to hojo (the dorm i live in) i started getting nervous about giving this thank you card to the security guard. one, i was worried it would be one of the security guards i had trouble with in the past. two, i was scared that he would not accept the card or just look at it and toss it aside. three, i was worried that others would see what i was doing and judge me - though why would that bother me? anyways, i got back to hojo and i was relieved to see one security guard i never really talked to before. so i walked right up to the front desk and just stated: "hi, i'm part of a student organization on campus and we made this thank you card for all the security guards here to show our appreciation." immediately, the guard smiles and took the card and opened it right up. he didn't look up to check when i swiped my card (which is unusual because they normally stare us down). just seeing him happy made me so happy! i was smiling all the way up the stairs.

just thought i'd share this moment because it was pure joy and happiness. it just erupted from inside me. and it was great.

refiner's fire

tonight i went to a 'family fun night' at my pastor's house. it was exactly how it is described - a night full of fun with your family. we had a home-cooked meal together, played a game of pictionary, and had a time of worship and prayer. this whole week was a bit stressful so it was nice to be in a relaxing environment away from campus.

walking to my room, i heard music coming from the room i was passing by. i was really curious to see what instruments were playing and what songs the person/people were playing and singing to. to my surprise, it was a group of guys worshiping the Lord. they were singing and playing Refiner's Fire. i was so temped to knock on the door and sing with them. i'm sure that if someone else was with me, i would have knocked on the door without hesitation.

i know i write about songs a lot, or at least include a song with each post. i don't do it on purpose, but i realize that God really speaks to me through song lyrics. and this song i absolutely love. we are God's creation and it hit me the other day, just how far from perfect we are. seldom am i not judgmental, prideful, or sinful. but God loves us nonetheless. he has cleansed us by the blood of Christ and we are set apart from the world because of him. it is so difficult these days to be set apart from the world without insulting or offending someone or being judged. we are constantly trying to fit in and blend in with our peers. i know i do that a lot because i don't want to draw attention. but if we're just blending in and living lukewarm lives, then we're not fulfilling our purpose and God's will for us. if we don't do our part, why do we expect God to do his part? though he does do his part because he can't help but love us. it is his character to be loving, forgiving, holy, and merciful.

Purify my heart
Let me be as gold and precious silver
Purify my heart
Let me be as gold, pure gold

Refiner's fire
My heart's one desire
Is to be holy
Set apart for You, Lord
I choose to be holy
Set apart for You, my Master
Ready to do Your will

Purify my heart
Cleanse me from within
And make me holy
Purify my heart
Cleanse me from my sin
Deep within

i can only imagine

let's just say today was not an ideal day.

i overslept and woke up around 11:30pm, took a shower, ate sponge cake and an apple for lunch, realized i missed the bus to go apple picking with real life (i had been looking forward to this event ALL WEEK), ended up watching two movies: "28 days" and "the proposal", ate dinner in my room around 4:30, did a little hw, etc. i literally did not step one foot outside my building.

it might not seem so, but staying inside all day is pretty depressing. i've been in my pajamas and sitting in my chair.

this past Sunday (10-10-10), my pastor talked about "Church". this was an interesting sermon because recently in a core meeting, someone brought up the question of "why do we go to church?" if someone asked you why YOU go to church, or why THEY should go to church, what would you say? part of the reason i go to church is for community - though that's not all the church offers. we were created and designed to live as one body in community. and when we're alone, we feel lonely, like something is wrong or off. (though spending time alone sometimes to reflect and clear our heads is good too.) i guess today just felt like a wasted day and i realized just how important community is. there was an experiment done to show this. the lifespan of a smoker living in a close knit community was significantly longer than a healthy person living on his/her own. you could conclude that it is better to smoke and live in a community than eat healthy and live alone. (but seriously, just live a healthy life surrounded by those you love.)

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By Your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When Your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

can't always get what you want

I feel like I am looking and searching for opportunities but they are not showing up. I try to create opportunities for myself and they end up failing. I want to know what God wants me to do, and I want answers now. But I can't simply ask for answers; nothing is that simple. I just wish that there was someone who could tell me what to do and how to do it. I wish I could just make up my mind. I wish things were easier.

our love will be loud

where has the time gone? summer has flown by and what did i do in these past three and a half months?

by the end of this week, i'll be all packed and ready to head off to New Hampshire for Summit - InterVarsity's retreat. i hate the idea that i'm going straight from the retreat to boston, and moving back on campus. it scares me to death because there is all this uncertainty. in a way, i feel like a baby because i don't want to leave my family and my home, where i feel secure. but staying at home, i can't do much - i don't do much.

i suppose the one thing i regret this summer is not going out into the community and spreading God's love. though i didn't get a job, i could have found an organization to volunteer with. i could have hung out with my non-Christian friends more and introduced them to the Lord. i could have helped keep my brothers and sisters accountable. but i can't let these things hold me back. if anything, i've learned that i have to take every opportunity and chance i get to witness to others and be an example for them, just as Christ is an example for me, for us.

anyways, i'd just like to share this song. i think it is really powerful. i first heard it this past year either at church or at fellowship. hope you enjoy it!